The Great Biscuit Bribe

Small Boy comes bounding out of school, his cheeks glowing.
"You'll never guess what happened today!" he says.
"No, I probably won't," I say.
"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway, so it doesn't matter if you can guess or not," he says with a shrug. Then, "It was soooooo ridiculous . . ." He pauses and raises one eyebrow.
"Mmm," I say.
"The teachers have said that Year Five are banned from going out!" he announces.
"What? Ever?" I ask.
"Well for the rest of Year Five anyway," he says.
"Hang on a minute," I say. "So no one in Year Five is allowed to go outside at lunchtime - not even when the weather gets better next term?"
Small Boy curls his lip and rolls his eyes. "NO! Duuuuuuuuh!" he says. "They are not allowed to Go Out - you know, as in Go Out with a boyfriend or girlfriend."
"Oh!" I say. "But - how old are the Year Fives anyway - nine or something? So surely they're not interested in going out with each other anyway?"
"Mu-um," says Small Boy. "You don't know ANYTHING. There are loads of people who are Going Out."
"So - what do they do?" I ask.
"Urgh. What do you mean?" he asks.
"I mean, do they actually go out - to the cinema or something?"
"No, obviously not. They just text each other and they don't look at each other or speak to each other and then they dump each other and then it's OK to speak to each other again. Obviously," he finishes, with another roll of the eyes.
"Obviously," I agree. "So, why is this a problem for the teachers, exactly?"
"Well," says Small Boy, with a quick, conspiratorial look round, "there's this boy, see, in Year Five, see, who was bet six biscuits to kiss a girl."
"Six biscuits?" I say.
"Yes. Six. And so he took the biscuits first, obviously, and then he went to go and kiss the girl. Only she wouldn't, and she told on him, see, and that's why no one in the whole of Year Five is allowed to Go Out."
"Right," I say.
"But what I want to know is," Small Boy continues, "why on earth did he say he would do it for six biscuits? If it was me, I would want to know the weight of the other person first and then I would say I might think about kissing them for their weight in biscuits." He crosses his arms and nods decisively.
I think about how much Husband weighs and consider putting in my own request for confectionary-based compensation.
I have to admit, it's quite an appealing idea.